Take Back Your Pen: Embrace Your Power as the Creator of Your Own Life
When it comes to worthiness, what is the narrative you are carrying? Most of us bear the wound of core unworthiness to some degree. The voice of unworthiness may feel like a low-level hum in the background and other times like a blaring radio. What controls the volume for you? Do you feel less worthy when you are with others? Do you end up comparing yourself and falling short? Or do you feel less worthy when you are alone? Does the lack of connection with others create a sense of unworthiness? Awareness is the key to changing your narrative.
We are all worthy by our very existence. Consider that a baby doesn’t have to do anything to be worthy. Life experiences can strip away this birthright, but only if we let it. You have far more agency in creating the life you want than you may realize. One place to start is to look at your assumptions around worthiness, especially the beliefs you formed in childhood. If you grew up in a household that expected perfection, you will likely be very sensitive to criticism. You may also confuse your “imperfect actions” (or mistakes) with being unworthy. Carol Dweck labels this a fixed mindset, where one takes their mistakes to mean that they are a failure rather than they failed at a particular task. Those with a growth mindset recognize that failure is learning and learning is growing. This perspective is far more empowering. Individuals with a growth mindset don’t view their failures as character flaws impacting their worthiness, but rather as a sign of growth (making them even more worthy.)
Whether you realize it or not, you are creating the life you have, moment by moment, through your choices. Even when facing the most difficult circumstances, you can take responsibility for your life by choosing how you respond. Taking full responsibility for what happens in your life does not mean you are to blame. Instead, you are taking care of your future self by taking responsibility for your life moving forward.
If you have ever found yourself in a negative feedback loop, perpetuating the same hurtful narrative repeatedly in your mind, it’s time for a pattern interrupt. If the story you’re telling yourself doesn’t feel good, it’s time to rewrite your story. But how can that be? Is it really that simple? Yes, it is! It all comes down to choosing a different story. The work of Bryon Katy challenges us to consider whether our “story” is true. She then asks us who we are when we believe our narrative to be true. Finally, she invites us to consider who we would be if the opposite were true. It may seem like a game, but it has genuine transformative power.
Now consider the feedback you get from others. Most of us take external feedback far too personally and don’t always recognize it for what it is – a reflection of the other’s internal struggle or judgment of themselves. Allowing other’s feedback to dictate your self-worth gives away your power. In essence, you are giving away your metaphorical pen. Most of us think of this in terms of negative feedback, when we take someone’s criticism personally as a character flaw that makes us unworthy. Less recognizable is when we lose our pen to praise. Perhaps we just crushed our first marathon, and everyone is patting us on the back and telling us how amazing and inspiring we are. Suddenly, we look down and notice that our pen is missing. I have heard it said that other people’s opinion of you is none of your business. If you can take this message to heart, you have a great chance of hanging onto your pen!
If you struggle with unworthiness or challenging emotions, book a free discovery call to see how energy work can support you in living your best life.
By Laura Freix
